Many of us come to PAA recovery seeking relief from the pain, grief, and shame of our addiction to pornography. Our spiritual malady brought forth in us a desperation for relief from our addiction. Pornography replaced our healthy, natural, God-given sex desires and led to isolation and avoidance of human contact.
As a result of our addiction, we may have experienced losses of spouses, partners, jobs, friends, and for some, even their freedom—key factors in realizing the depth of our powerlessness over pornography.
While other sex addicts “act out” with other people, we “act in” when using pornographic media, activities, and behaviors that exclude others so that we are only intimate with ourselves. We withdraw from the world and isolate ourselves while using pornography. Because of this difference, we came to call our addictive behavior ‘acting in.’
This behavior of “acting in” set up a cycle of powerlessness and unmanageability. We obsessed about seeking pornography and became unable to stop once we started.
Some of us have tried many methods to control our addiction to pornography by:
- Limiting their internet access with programs to lock out websites
- Ceasing to use electronic devices
- Making pacts with ourselves and others, including religious or spiritual leaders
- Using our own will-power
Inevitably, after experiencing the consequences of another relapse, we came to the conclusion that we were truly powerless over our addiction.
For many, the spiritual solution through a 12-step program had not been tried. Some of us have never experienced a 12-step program and do not understand how it works. Others arrive at PAA having attended 12-step meetings for many years. We all have one thing in common: our inability to stop using pornography without the help of a higher power.